Senator Obama, I offer you this suggestion from over here at Free Advice Central: next time, stick with reminding voters that you can’t polish a turd. This may sound a bit too, well, Rhode-Island-ish to you, but I believe it will get the message across while not mistaking the target and will appeal to the common sense of voters all across the nation. Best of all, the phrase is flexible and can be applied in a wide variety of situations. For example: McCain? Turd. Bush? Turd. Palin? Turd. Any combination of their atrocious policies? Turd. The idea that pandering to women by throwing a fellow vagina our way will get McCain into the White House? Turd supreme, but they are polishing it like crazy.

Not everyone grew up in a place where you had to breathe through your tshirt while driving down certain roads with the wind blowing just wrong, so it might be hard to understand just how little lipstick would do for the appearance of a pig, intelligent and friendly creatures though they may be. Turds, though, everybody gets.