Nicetameetcha! Here we go.

Stop voting with your party! Support a platform that goes against your principles and the people that you represent!

Did she just say ‘Joe Six-Pack’? And the ubiquitous ‘band together,’ gah, she sounds like one of my students. [Not that there’s anything wrong with them, they’re just, you know, in college. Not governors.]

‘Why yes, I would like to change the subject…’ *nose wrinkle*

‘No, actually, I would not like to stick to the subject!’ Drop the hammer, Joe!

‘Where we come from, where Todd and I have been, patriotic is wanting to form your own country: Alaska!‘

I like the ‘take that, you!’ glare Joe handed over right there.

‘I had to tell those energy companies, go ahead! Sell our natural resources to Japan!’

Dude: you do understand the concepts of ‘running mate’ and a ‘party platform’ don’t you? Just because you promised nothing doesn’t mean that you’re not a Republican on the hook for McCain’s wack ideas.

Oh yay! I get to use my graph again!

Again with the Visual Aid.

‘We in Alaska feel pain more than anyone! All you East Coasters whose shorelines are rising, do you have, um, polar bears?’

‘OK, pay attention, now the cheer goes like this…’

Ironic that the Governor of the state most economically and environmentally impacted by the Exxon disaster is talking about the safety and environmental friendliness of offshore drilling. Yes, I know it was a tanker crash, but oil in the water from an accident is the link.

‘Nooooo, not if it means keeping church and state separate, no, I can’t say I’m for that, nope.’ So, traditional view of marriage. Golly. Hmm. Huh.

Zero-sum. That’s what the Republicans offer. Same old thinking, same old line drawing, same old whipping it out and measuring it as some kind of test of leadership.

Whoa, so Al Queda and Petraeus and Iraq and terrorism…ugh, oh nevermind.

The Castro Brothers! Cuba rocks the name drop tonight! (Sorry, Chavez, you’re just not scary enough for tonight’s debate.)

Again with the Spain slam! Nice one, Joe.

Joe: it’s boring when you talk all smart and knowledgeable like that.

We here in the USA are inherently more trustworthy with our nuclear weapons, being the only nation in history ever to use them not just in war but on civilian populations. It’s obvious, right?

Senator Lugar name drop FTW! I really need to email him a copy of the email he sent me in response to starting the war in Iraq, wherein he very seriously and thoughtfully and considerately impressed upon me that it was critical to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq in order to keep the whole region safe. I’m sorry these goons in your party made an ass of you and lots of other well-meaning and sincere people, Mr. Lugar, I really am. I hope you’re as angry as I am about all this mess.

Whoa with the condescension there, lady! ‘It’s so obvious that I don’t have a flipping clue about anything except what they fed me while I was locked in my compound all month!’

Yowzah, we all broke for more alcohol at the same time. There’s only so much aw-shucksing — and omigawd ‘a team of mavericks!’ — that one can take sober.

So, I fear for the Library of Congress if we get a little more Main-Street-Wasilla up in here.

‘I’m sure that Main Street America understands that bridges, roads, schools, hospitals, farms and trains are free and cares more about their paycheck than silly things like infrastructure!’

Dude: the AFT would beg to differ about where and when schoolteachers should get their reward.

‘Silly goose! They told me at the compound last week that we have a thing called a constitution that defines the role of the vice-president and it involves the Senate!’ Aaand the audience revolts in laughter!

Nice one, Joe! Go Cheney yourself and your trashing of our country, Dick!

‘Don’t you tell me about hardship, chippie, I defined hardship when you were in grade school!’

He is no maverick! Go, Joe!

Joe’s closing line: I am a good man, I respect people, and I can learn when I’m called out.

Palin’s closing line: my actions speak for themselves and I support wack policies.

Oops that wasn’t the actual closing. Here they are, then.

Palin: Those mean journalists make me look dumb but even here without the filter I can accomplish it all by my big-girl self, and I’m so glad I got to reprise my AIP convention speech!

Joe: Republicans have f-ed us to hell and we are going to get that dealt with!

And now, back to Enchanted: who will she pick, Prince or McDreamy?