Uh, Mitt? I’m legally required to carry my green card with me in order to be able to produce it upon the request of an officer of the law. But, you’re saying, it’s ‘un-American’ for an officer to request it? Take some responsibility for your own house, dude.

Since when does any reasonable person think that Canada has any desire to become part of a North American amoeba with this country? Oh, right. Nevermind.

As a sociologist, the inability of these people to differentiate between economic systems and state structures is mind boggling. Of course, as any political sociologist will tell you, they’re interrelated in complicated and interesting ways.

Aw, Anderson, why didn’t you hit Ron with the question-dodging hammer?

I’m getting the impression that Mitt didn’t do so well in math when he was in school. I hope he has a secret skill at reciting Blake or some such thing to balance it out.

Thank you, Fred, for pointing out that entitlements are in fact such a rinky dink part of the federal budget that cutting them doesn’t begin to address the problem. Oh wait, that’s not exactly what you’re saying. But it’s the truth.

Three programs? Oil subsidies, illegal wars, and corporate welfare. I could get behind DHS, but OMGLOLZ the IRS! Tee hee.

John, John, John. I kind of used to like you when you were the new Bush alternative. It’s true, Ron, that John doesn’t understand that difference, but it’s also true that you are an isolationist. Sorry. It’s true.

Booyah corn subsidies! My new favorite questioner. Mitt, I’m sorry, but I spent my early life surrounded by fields of inedible corn destined for industrial uses, and I can tell you this: corn subsidies are not about food security.

Anderson! Do your thing.

Let’s reiterate: it’s against the law to employ people who cannot prove their legal ability to work in this country. It is, in fact, the legal responsibility of the employer to determine eligibility before hiring. Period. So, be realistic, yo!

As a person who’s had a handgun pointed at my head–in a college dorm, by an ROTC member–and lost two friends to self-inflicted gun wounds, I lack the ability to take the pulse of this issue. I’ll always be in the no-guns-ever camp, and that’s just the way it’s going to be.

Oh no you didn’t, Mitt. You did not just bring Bill Cosby into your madness.

Number one priority. Huh.

Anderson! Bring them back to the Jesus question.

I can’t think of anything more clear than thou shalt not kill, but somehow the minister manages to be all for the death penalty one minute and all about the literal interpretation of the bible the next? My brain is starting to hurt.

Rudy. Are you trying to be ironic? You’re a smart guy. Surely you understand that reduced snowfall has to do with global warming, which you have likely contributed to by your energy policies.

John. Please stop making me fall off my chair with the giggles. Please stop saying the words ‘winning’ or ‘surge’ or any such, m’kay? Thanks.

Convenient not to mention the people we killed with sanctions leading to lack of food and medicines in various countries.

Mitt. Gah. I am trying to keep this blog PG, but holy mother of the baby Jesus you are making it hard for me.

John! The former John rears his dragon head! You go, my old friend.

But then…John. How can you be so inconsistent? How can you say things that are so clearly reasonable and moral one minute and things that make it sound like you’re mainlining illegal narcotics the next? How can I admire you in these circumstances? You pain me.

Whoa. What did I miss? Did one of these old white dudes just name-drop Reagan like it was going to help them? Yowzah.

Speaking of name-dropping, can I get a ‘go Cheney yourself!’

Do not lie about soldiers to your own ends, people. The majority of enlisted men and women are working class, and not idealogues.

If the middle of an active war is not the time for more soldiers, when is? This is not meant to be a critique of the public, but rather of the candidates. Still, I cannot help but wonder what kind of Republican boos a 42-year Army veteran and thinks to retain any kind of moral or ethical stance? Feh.

Billions of dollars on foreign invasions, dude, not space travel, make for a big deficit. Just tell the truth.

If by ‘moving people off welfare’ you mean ‘busting public service unions and replacing them with low wage workers,’ you did a great job, Rudy!

Time to go watch network TV and leave these guys to their fans.